fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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