I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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