Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
