Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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