And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
