I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
