Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
