if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
