Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
