who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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