proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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