found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My balls are so social today.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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