Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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