Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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