I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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