it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
