You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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