Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
