I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
