Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
