I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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