do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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