somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh god the rape fog is back!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
