Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
