woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
