im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
