did you get engaged???
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry about my life...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
