You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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