Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize