Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
