I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
