whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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