I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just gargled with NyQuil
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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