this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have post one night stand depression
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
