i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
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