The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
