Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's rum buckets o'clock
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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