Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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