Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
