a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
