I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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