Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
