does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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