actually, I'm a sock model
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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