These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
