did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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