dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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