she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
