She announced her abortion via fbk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
