wrigley field is MILF paradise
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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