There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am naked and annoyed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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