he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
