threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
