Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
