Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
