oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
