I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Someone shit on the floor
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
