We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
