Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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