hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize