it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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