I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize