You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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