this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
