And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
