i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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