video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
