I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
