I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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