3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
