the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
