Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
