I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
