I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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