I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
