'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
