I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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