i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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